Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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