it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
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I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
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I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize