census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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