My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
