porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
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