somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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