Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
