While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize