I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
