i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
