ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
