Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
