He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
