I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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