I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
