hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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