I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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