wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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