i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
This is classic penis vs brain.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
