He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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