Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
