It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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