Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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