i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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