Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
