just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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