She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
