last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
