sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The uberlube is also flammable
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
