I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I had to cum in my sink.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
