respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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