it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
