i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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