a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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