just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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