Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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