We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
