You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
