Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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