True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
