How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
