I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
