I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
