Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
