Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
