Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize