explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize