i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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