My hand turned me down
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
