You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
