we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
