well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
