The maid of honor just puked.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
