my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
