Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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