i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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