Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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