dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Shame is for Republicans.
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