you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
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We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
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You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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