We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
