then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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