Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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