She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
