tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize