just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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