i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
