did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I did not marry a roomba.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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