when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
